The REAL Goal for Your Family in Lock-down

Imagine yourself shoved into a reinforced underground shelter with your family. The government has recommended you stay in place until the danger has passed. Sometimes you are able to laugh and enjoy each other; other times you are bickering and fighting. You vacillate between fear and faith, patience and meltdowns. But for months on end you are all on top of each other, and unsure when you can come out of the bunker.

Oh wait, you don’t need to imagine it.  Open your eyes— you are living it.

For many people, this pandemic has thrust us into the Family Bunker. Whether you have a houseful of small children or a collection of young adult offspring who have returned to the nest, like it or not, you are stuck in the trenches waiting out this crisis out together as a family.

You may think your goal is to keep your family safe. You may think your goal is to keep your kids moving forward academically. You may think your goal is to keep your kids entertained for weeks without losing your sanity. And all these goals are true.

But there is something else that is designed to imprint more significantly in these days of lockdown and the ripple effects outward that are yet to come.  

You know how you have been wanting your kid to know and experience God for himself? You have been given a laboratory to bring your faith to life. You are going to be living the Gospel in your own home. You will not just be teaching the Gospel in WORD, you will be living the Gospel in DEED. 

Before you break out in hives because you can’t take the pressure of one more thing to make you feel guilty about your life in lockdown, let me clarify.

“Living the Gospel” in our home is not something that is added to your schedule. It’s woven into your every day life— every family night and family fight, every shining moment of faith and every wobble in the dark.  We have neither a gospel of perfection nor imperfection, but a gospel of power found in weakness— sustaining us in the battle, empowering us to choose a new of being, and redeeming our every mistake.

So what exactly are we teaching about our faith in the Family Bunker?

We will be modeling how to ask forgiveness.   There is no way to spend this amount of time together without having a few nasty explosions or meltdowns. Sometimes in the effort to keep the perception of adult control, we excuse ourselves or minimize our behaviors; we’re afraid if we admit we were wrong then we can’t hold our kids responsible for their wrong behaviors.

I often struggled with being harsh and impatient when my girls were young because they were thwarting all my plans of productivity. I was apologizing to them almost every time there was conflict.  One day, one of my girls threw a fit and when I made her apologize, she said, “Now it’s your turn to apologize, Mommy.”  I said, “Actually mommy did it right this time.  Jesus is helping her control her temper.”

We want our kids to learn that we are human too. When we sin against others, we ask forgiveness. But we also want them to know that Jesus is still teaching us too. This creates safety for them to grow in places of their weaknesses.

We will model how to access God’s resources when we are completely empty.  Many times in our lives, we will be faced with impossible situations:  not enough time for what is on our to-do list, not enough energy to meet all the competing needs in our house, not enough wisdom to know how to parent a difficult child.  

But THIS impossible situation is one you are walking together as a family. No one is going to have enough patience, kindness, joy, peace, or love in his/her own strength. This is where you model how we can approach God’s throne of grace to ask boldly for what we need for the day.  

Every Monday in carpool, the kids in our car would share a “grace” they needed for the week:  discipline to do their homework, strength to face the mean girl, courage to talk to a teacher about a problem, joy when they didn’t want to go to school.

Your family bunker is where we also teach that sometimes when God is working a grace into our heart, we need to persevere; we are asking God for the same thing every day. Little by little, that grace starts to bubble up, and we rejoice together when we see it’s fruit.

We will model what to do when the UNEXPECTED storm hits our lives.  No parent I know would choose for his/her child to experience the disappointment, disruption, and disorientation caused by this pandemic. But we don’t get to choose our life storms.

There will be consequences— academically, athletically, emotionally, and spiritually for our children. Fortunately, we have a God who specializes in redeeming what the evil one steals, kills, and destroys. And make no mistake, everyone has been robbed in some way because of this virus.

Your child’s long-term success actually does not hang on this 3 month window of schooling or sports or internship. Will it have short-term effects?  Probably.  There will be catch-up and frustration and possibly even delays and detours because of this pandemic. And each of those can be used by God to be woven into a beautiful story in his/her life. Detours often become powerful moments of redirection pushing into our faith, though you won’t know that until years later. Now is the time hold these truths before them instead of joining them in blaming and complaining.

We will model how to hold FAITH in the face of fear.  For those who already struggle with anxiety, depression, or compulsive thoughts, this virus is triggers some of our worst fears, and we’re desperately trying to keep it together in front of the kids.

If it’s not fear around the virus, you may be struggling with fear about finances. For many people, this crisis will extend far beyond lock-down.  There will be bills, failed businesses, and unemployment. Instead of complaining non-stop about how you think this crisis should be handled, try using it as a season to live into the reality that God is our provider.  Speak the truths of Scripture over your family:  “Our God will supply all our needs, according to His riches in glory of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19).  Admit that you are learning these truths too, hold the promises together as a family, and watch God provide.

I was deeply shaped by the miraculous provisions throughout my childhood.  Multiple times, we did not have enough money for the major things like rent or food, let alone the small things so important to a child — registration for an activity, a letter jacket, or a dress for the prom.  My mom walked those seasons with transparency, praying aloud our needs, and over and over we watched God provide.  We had rent money delivered on the day of eviction, a brand new washer and dryer delivered the same week they went out, and checks arriving in the mail labeled “manna from heaven.” I first learned about God as my Provider in my childhood (and have revisited that truth often in my adult life!).

You won’t be able to hide your emotional journey from your kids in lock-down. But you can model how to navigate crisis in faith:  turning to God even when He feels so far away, taking a time-out to recenter and pray, giving grace to yourself and others, and practicing gratitude when nothing in you feels like rejoicing. THAT is good parenting. THAT is faith in action!

We will model the importance of community. Bunkers do not eliminate the suffering, but they provide a safe place to ride out the danger with comrades. Soldiers in the bunker form incredibly strong bonds during war time. In the midst of war, soldiers ride frightening waves of fear, grief, and loss together. They have emotional breakdowns together. They patch each other up and watch out for each other. They share words of comfort and hope to keep each other going.  Their powerful bond comes through shared experience together. 

The Family Bunker teaches our kids that we cannot weather life’s storms in isolation. We need each other. And we need a God to sustain us.  

May you have the courage today to embrace this lock-down for however long it lasts, knowing this may very well be an answer to your prayer to bring the Gospel to life in your own home.

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. 

Deuteronomy 6:7-8